Oooh, That Smell

Is it some kind of unwritten rule that older ladies MUST wear obnoxious/toxic floral perfume?

I have nothing against flowers. Love them! But when the one-stall ladies room smells like an orgy of flowers-- not so cool. Does menapause cause the olfactory sense to shut down? Did you smell like this 30-years ago? If so, how did you ever get laid? Sweatin' up the sheets with you would be like boppin' Pigpen-- only with stanky-ass perfume!

Putrid. When I open the bathroom door, it's like that green funk that killed Egypt's firstborn in the Ten Commandments.

By the way, you're not hiding a damn thing. It just smells like a rose-covered turd. Gag. Because of you, over-perfumed-toilet-violatin-coworker, my kidneys are floating because I have to walk to the hotel a block over to tinkle. No way am I gonna get pinned with your shit-- literally.

Less is more, ho-bag.

xoxo,
RiRi

The pits

Guess what fine fragrance I'm wearing?

Ode de pit? Perhaps. Degree has decided to get into the "fine fragrance" game, because making my pits smell like a waterfall at dawn wasn't enough. In one of my girlie mags, I came across a sample of Degree's "Classic Romance." An inner dialogue ensued.

RITA

Classic Romance? As in reminiscent of some odiferous B.O. from the 1800's when people didn't bathe that often? That'll really get me a baby-daddy sometime soon.

Rita rips open the sample strip, takes a whiff.

RITA

Hmmmm... not bad, but something's not right here. I know how the scent of my Degree deoderant 'alters' after a day of writing under deadline. Phew. Yeah, This is gonna end badly.

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No matter how you dress it up, it's still fresh smelling stuff from a pit-juice fighting company. Call it "fine fragrance," call it "ode de" call it... anything. It's still DEGREE. Stick to what you know. Degree- you're the pits. And that's okay!

xoxo,

RiRi