Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Celebrity Slap: April 11, 2010 Edition


Spring is in the air. And the "dumbness" is multiplying!
Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!
3. Heidi Montag
Offense: Lunacy
On the heels of Nicolette Sheridan's tale of being slapped by Marc Cherry, Heidi's revealed her own on-set drama! Egads! She claims an MTV producer pushed her from behind. Oh, the humanity! Maybe that's why she got all that plastic surgery... or better yet-- she deserves to be shaken, slapped, and kicked off the planet! By the way, I've got a big steamy cup of "shut the fuck up" for ya. Suck it down like you do Spencer's wango! Aw, that's a good little plastic bimbo...
2. Gerard Butler
Offense: Disease bag
This dude defines poon hound. He flew all the way to Paris to have a date with a local TV personality because he 'completely cracked' for her. (Emphasis on 'crack.' Something he totally enjoys.) Be warned, Gerard! Your dick may fall off. Then what are you gonna do? Hmmm? Perhaps he's secretly been named "Special U.N. Ambassador of Pootie" and he's on a world tour.
1. Jon Gosselin
Offense: Unofficial Guiness book record holder for Biggest Douchebag
Dude is suing ex-wife Kate for custody of their 8 children, claiming Kate is an absentee mom. How completely cellophane! As if we don't know you're broke; you don't want to pay 20-grand a month in support; you have no fucking job-- so... let's use the kids to make money, 'cuz I'm a fat, balding buddha with no prospects and no class. The only thing you've managed to do is scratch your grapenuts and grow your moobs. A floater in the toilet is more attractive than you are!
Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!
xoxo,
RiRi

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