My favorite email...

I hadn't heard from my "buddy" Abdullahi Sarki Mukhtar in ages. But he was kind enough to tell me that his email is not a scam. Whew!

ATTENTION BENEFICIARY:
Based on the report we received from our investigation department, we wish to warn you against some Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of our country.
Open the attachement to read more...

How'd he know that Rita is short for "beneficiary."

Nice try, Abdumbass Sucki Muckstain. Really? I'm still not opening your virus-filled attachment. Even though I appreciate your chivalry in trying to protect me from the real scammers. (wink, wink)

Mad props, though, for usage of "miscreants, hoodlums and touts." Touts! I MUST use that in a sentence today (by the way, I think you mean "louts.") Other than that, fuck off. Please. See. I can play that game, too.

xoxo,

RiRi

Poon, here.

Who falls for this sh*t? Really... what lame-ass, rosey-glass-wearing fool believes this... here's what I retreived from my gmail spam folder.
==============
Good Day,

I am the Financial Director of Hang Seng Bank. I have a business proposalfor you, Should you be interested, please contact me through my privateemail (mrpoonchungyinj53@live.co.uk) along with your name,country andtelephone number, so we can commence all arrangements and I will give youmore information on how we should handle this business and after thesuccessful transfer to your account,You shall be rewarded accordingly.

Kind Regards,

Mr. Poon Chung Yin Joseph
Reply To Email: mrpoonchungyinj53@live.co.uk
====================
WTF?
Yeah, I'm sure mister Poon-Fu-F*ck is really gonna just give me money because I totally rock. I will absolutely without question give him my bank account info. I'm sure the $2,000 "retrieval fee" or whatever mister dim sum is calling it is worth the big bucks he's gonna directly deposit into my account!

Dear Mr. Poon Douche...

Just because we've had some hardship in the good ol' USA, doesn't mean we're all idiots. Poon? Is THAT really your name? Or is that your porno name? How 'bout I send you a sizable amount of "kiss my a$$" with a dose of "go f**k yourself."

Sincerely,
Rita Riter