Celebrity Slap: February 14, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Matthew Knowles

Offense: Big Dummy

Beyonce must be so pleased to have a daddy so righteous as yourself. It's bad enough you're a cheat, but now, rumor has it you knocked-up your ho! She's got you for 18 years now! Idiot! Obviously, you weren't paying attention in health class. As our high school health teacher so eloquently put it: "Wrap it, or get slapped with it."

2. Kanye West

Offense: Hot head

The Mad-Rapper all in a frenzy because it took too long to prepare his meal. Waiting 30 minutes to fine dine is unacceptable in Kanye's eyes! He's beneath being treated like the rest of us. Unfortunately, he got worked-up over nothing, because the menu clearly stated that his Peiking Duck would take 45 minutes to prepare. Apparently, the phrase "reading is fundamental" has escaped you, fool!

1. John Mayer

Offense: Ego-centric tool

I feel badly for the entire male gender. We'd take him, but females have more standards. This dude tries to be so edgy and so cool, opening his mouth and spewing his verbal vomit so he can get some more lady lumps. But it's backfired. TMI about your personal time with Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston. TMI about your little "pants monster" and what race of women it prefers. TMI in your case should stand for "too much ignorance."

Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi