Celebrity Slap: Sunday, February 7th Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Britney Spears

Offense: Eye assaulter

Usually, when one has a special event to attend where everyone is watching-- you try to put your best foot forward. Not our girl Brit Brit, y'all! She must've gotten Hollywood and Fredricks of Hollywood confused, cuz she chose to wear some bizarro net over a black body suit to the Grammys. I'm sure that's high-brow for the trailer park, but not so much for the bright lights of the big city! Perhaps she was leaving a video shoot with the Gorton's Fisherman where a big 'fish' gets caught in her net!

2. The Cyrus Family

Offense: Pimps

9-year-old Noah Cyrus, younger sister of Miley, is coming out with a clothing line of her own! That's all cool, except her designs are completely trampy! Lace and fishnets and hooker boots and bodysuits-- oh, my! For tweens!!! Pimping out your children for profit is repulsive. Obviously, there's no thought process as to what message you're putting out there. It's not cool that you're throwing more fuel on some pedophile's fire! Unbelievable! While you're counting your pile of money, don't be surprised when your little girl becomes a pregnant crack ho!

1. John Edwards

Offense: Mouth-breathing half-wit

It was bad enough you couldn't keep Lil' Johnnie in your pants, but to be a liar, thief and alleged woman-beater is just reprehensible. Beating you cancer-striken wife Elizabeth because she had enough of your being a dog? Please. I'm surprised the man club hasn't asked for your fun marbles back because you don't deserve to be a man or a human or even the ooze from a scabby sore! Let's boot this inhumane piece of trash off the planet!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: August 30, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Redmond O'Neal

Offense: Cellophane bitch-boy

This spoon-fed, soft-faced tool has signed a reality TV deal to chronicle his struggles with addiction. It has nothing to do with the fact that he won't get Farrah's money unless he's clean. In fact, "Redmond wants to do this to honor his Mother." Are you really buying your own bullshit? Seriously. You can't. That line ranks right up there with: "I'll respect you in the morning." Uh, we ain't buying it, Mr. Pansy-Pants!

2. Britney Spears

Offense: Idiot

She's got her life together. She looks good. She has her kids around her and a dude who's not a scrub. Yet, her inner white-trash, toxic-dump other half is still jonesin' for some Adnan Ghalib. Why? This dude is not only supremely douchy, but he looks like yesterday's leftover schwarma. He just wants to use you for your money and your funbags, then drop you like a dirty dish rag. Wake up!

3. Paula Abdul

Offense: Self-absorbed twit

She was supposed to guest star on 'Ugly Betty' but they couldn't handle her list of demands. So, they said bye-bye to her. She actually asked for a private jet to fly her overly-medicated bootay around! Really, who do you think you are? A good singer? Nope. Actress? Not really. "Inspiration to the universe of pretty unicorns and brave flowers on a dewy morning"... Rambling. That's what you're good at. If you're not careful, MC Skat Kat and his buddies Mr. Peanut and Chester Cheetah are gonna corner you and teach you some manners! Straight up, drama queen!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi