BTN

"Mr. Right Enough"

I was disturbed by an article I read in some women's magazine that I can't remember, but I do remember the article... it was all about how women should settle.

The premise: women in their 20s encounter men who are 8s (out of 10, I suppose) but turn them down because they don't match their ideal man. And by the time an unnattached woman reaches the tender age of 40, she should settle for Mr. Right Now. Because the great men in their 40s are married. So just pick the best of what's left and be so gosh-darned happy! I've overheard some ladies talking about this very thing. Talking about how so-and-so isn't the greatest, but he's BTN-- Better Than Nothing.

Gag.

Sorry, but I value myself a little more than that. I get that there is no knight-in-shining armour, but is settling the answer? Is getting married to the first available pseudo-hunk (see above) the answer? Is letting some snaggle-tooth stick his beef jerky inside you the answer cuz at least it's connected to a warm, but probably funky-smelling body?

Hell fucking no.

When you settle for a guy, everyone knows you settled for a guy and then you become a pathetic vortex of snickering and gossip. How is that good for you? It's not. Wake up.

I can't believe a woman wrote that article. Judas!

There is one version of Mr. Right Now that's perfectly acceptable: Go on the prowl for a young "cub." Have a fun night. Then leave. If you had settled for some nice dude with three nipples you wouldn't be able to smack some young ass.

You're welcome.

xoxo,

RiRi

The First Grey...

Men don't really understand all that encompasses being the Goddess that we are.

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, is upset at her first grey hair. No, really-- it's more traumatizing than you think. So in an effort to cheer her up, I wrote this little poem-- from her perspective.

I knew it would come this day,
When youth would fade away.
The fine lines
Of time.
The aches and pains.
But please explain
Mother Nature's game.
Why must the hair
"Down there"
Turn grey?
I tried to pluck,
To hide, to tuck.
But much to my dismay,
They would not go away.
What am I to do
With this hair on my hoo-hoo?

xoxo,

RiRi

P.S. We're still friends. lol

OMFG!

It's finally happened.

My mom has become that old lady. The old lady she said she would never become!

And I don't mean age when I toss out the word "old." I mean "old" as in mentality, actions, outlook, driving...

MOM

These people drive like idiots! Where do they have to go in such a hurry! I drive under the speed limit.

RITA

What? You used to be a lead foot. How slow do you go?

MOM

I drive one mile below the speed limit. It's because I'm looking for an address and these people behind me keep blowing their horn.

RITA

You're driving too slow.

MOM

So what! They can wait for me.

==============

And there it is. Before, she couldn't wait for them. I can't tell you how many times mom would lay on the horn back-in-the-day when some hump-backed old bag driving her Caddy would drive erractically. And now? Yeah, that shoe fits...

Just a reminder that even though I'm Forever 21 in my heart, the world and people around me-- including myself-- are not. Ouch.

xoxo,

RiRi

P.S. I can't imagine not speeding! lol (that's what she said)

P.P.S. Yet mom knew what Twitter was! Worlds coliding!