Panic at the Disco... kinda

The band "The Vibrators" NOT performing at a Spanish disco... but the Energizer Bunny kind sure did!

Woo hoo!

The first 400 girls at the door who paid the cover got a night of good vibrations!

Except promoters there call vibes "consolers." Guess that's accurate. Reason #95 why a vibe is better than a guy: You get what you want then you can shove it back in a drawer. Try that with a guy, and it's called 'abuse.' Whatever...

xoxo,
RiRi

Really?

SKINNY JEANS

A recent survey from Special K (that crappy cereal) reveals that 29 percent of women say fitting into their "skinny" jeans again would be better than sex.

Say WHAT!?!

29 percent is waaay too high. Maybe one percent. But 29 percent? I know there's some bad ween out there, but when everything evens-out, nothing is better than sex. Sure, lots of money is great. You can buy sex. Chocolate is great. You can slather someone in chocolate and then have sex. Get it? Obviously not since a pair of pants is more exciting than what's inside them!

Fitting back into your skinny jeans could get you sex. Are you gonna turn it down because you just want to strut around all proud in your fuckin' jeans?

Get a grip. Or better yet, get a toy and vibe your brain into remembering why sex rocks.

29 percent... please.

Rant concluded.

xoxo,

RiRi

BTN

"Mr. Right Enough"

I was disturbed by an article I read in some women's magazine that I can't remember, but I do remember the article... it was all about how women should settle.

The premise: women in their 20s encounter men who are 8s (out of 10, I suppose) but turn them down because they don't match their ideal man. And by the time an unnattached woman reaches the tender age of 40, she should settle for Mr. Right Now. Because the great men in their 40s are married. So just pick the best of what's left and be so gosh-darned happy! I've overheard some ladies talking about this very thing. Talking about how so-and-so isn't the greatest, but he's BTN-- Better Than Nothing.

Gag.

Sorry, but I value myself a little more than that. I get that there is no knight-in-shining armour, but is settling the answer? Is getting married to the first available pseudo-hunk (see above) the answer? Is letting some snaggle-tooth stick his beef jerky inside you the answer cuz at least it's connected to a warm, but probably funky-smelling body?

Hell fucking no.

When you settle for a guy, everyone knows you settled for a guy and then you become a pathetic vortex of snickering and gossip. How is that good for you? It's not. Wake up.

I can't believe a woman wrote that article. Judas!

There is one version of Mr. Right Now that's perfectly acceptable: Go on the prowl for a young "cub." Have a fun night. Then leave. If you had settled for some nice dude with three nipples you wouldn't be able to smack some young ass.

You're welcome.

xoxo,

RiRi

WTF happened to survival of the fittest?!?

Take a good, hard look at "Dumb and Dumber."

He, of the I've-had-one-too-many glassy-eyes; She, of the I'll-scromp-anything-that-has-a-wiener. (Note the classy hickie-action, I mean, love bite.)

This is Danica Wallace and Jeremy Welch, from good ol' OH-IO! They were busted Friday after cops spotted them gettin' busy in a car while Danica's kiddies were in the back seat. Niiice.

POLICE

Why are you two pantless?

The cop looks-over this brainiac couple.

(to Jeremy)

I should arrest you for "false advertising."

Jeremy hiccups.

JEREMY

Huh?

POLICE

What. Are. You. Doing. Here?

Jeremy hiccups again.

JEREMY

We got horny and just wanted to fuck.

DANICA

Just so you know, occ-i-fur... I'm not completely drunk. I just had a Bud.

==================

This is why survival of the fittest needs to be en vogue again...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0518091car1.html

"It's not size...

it's what you do with it!" -- Sunil Mehra, former editor of "Maxim" India

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. They came-up shorter than the international standards for condoms.

Nubbin' lovin'!

1,200 men volunteered to get measured... brave souls. Guess there's just too much "wiggle room" inside the raincoat. Probably looked like junior was sportin' a nightcap... or leg warmers... can't you cuff 'em like pants?

"From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well"-- more wise words from Sunil Mehra.

Hate to burst your rubber bubble-- but that's the point! The condoms aren't working. So bragging about your population is like bragging about a herpes sore. Nothing to be proud of!

Can't we all just get along? Pee Pee equality!

Get some laughs... click the dick link. Sorry, couldn't resist that one!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm