Birdophile

Doesn't she look like a sweet granny?

If you've got cataracts and think a double-wide is a mansion....

Meet Donna Louise Greenwell (by the by, only serial killers and rednecks go by two first names)

a Louisiana skank who sold two children under the age of 6 for... wait for it... an exotic bird and $175. I guess an even $200 would've broken the bank.

I can just hear it now. A thought fragment bouncing around the space between her ears:

"Dem thur talkin' burds is cool. I got this hur nest on my head yins cans sleep thur."

Is she a birdophile? Nothin' gets her granny panties all moist like Toucan Sam... WTF?

Fortunately, she was sentenced to 15 months hard labor. So were the two twits that made the deal with her.

Who wakes up one morning and thinks this is a great idea? Obviously, oversized Funyun-eating-KMart-polyester-pant-wearin-fucks do....

xoxo,

RiRi

P.S. Bitch got more chins than a Chinese phone book.... yeah. I went there.

Mr. Riter

Pure Zexy-ness...

This fine hunk of man meat is Raymond Lawrence Robertson. Caused a bit of a commotion Sunday in Williams, Oregon. Thought it would be fun to barricade himself in his van (most likely one of those 'molestor' Astro vans,) and threaten residents.

Did I mention he stripped. Like, naked. Nobody wants to see this guy's "grapes of wrath" or any other drooppy, dangly hang-low thing. I probably shouldn't jump to conclusions. Maybe he's the male "butter face." He could be sculpted like Matthew McConnahottie from the neck down.... Riiiiight.

Told onlookers that if they tried to approach the vehicle, it would explode. I doubt he used those words exactly. Probably more like: "If you-ins walk on over this way n then y'all try to start some shit, this here auto-mo-bile is gonna go boom n then stuff 'gon fly n you-ins get fucked up n stuff. " (Trust me. I had a hillbilly neighbor growing up. Sloppy-titted woman with bleach blonde hair, short shorts and a tube top. Three teeth. But I digress.)

When police arrived on the scene, they had to shut the highway down. Mr. Mental Midget (no offense to dwarves) decides to get out of his pimp ride and take his clothes off. He got tackled by police.

Wonder if they needed to bathe in hydrochloric acid afterwards to get the ick off...

I'm gonna show his picture to my mom the next time she asks if I have a 'man friend.' And then tell her I like to kick 'field goals' between his two chicklets.

That just made me queezy.

xoxo,
RiRi