Mr. Riter

Pure Zexy-ness...

This fine hunk of man meat is Raymond Lawrence Robertson. Caused a bit of a commotion Sunday in Williams, Oregon. Thought it would be fun to barricade himself in his van (most likely one of those 'molestor' Astro vans,) and threaten residents.

Did I mention he stripped. Like, naked. Nobody wants to see this guy's "grapes of wrath" or any other drooppy, dangly hang-low thing. I probably shouldn't jump to conclusions. Maybe he's the male "butter face." He could be sculpted like Matthew McConnahottie from the neck down.... Riiiiight.

Told onlookers that if they tried to approach the vehicle, it would explode. I doubt he used those words exactly. Probably more like: "If you-ins walk on over this way n then y'all try to start some shit, this here auto-mo-bile is gonna go boom n then stuff 'gon fly n you-ins get fucked up n stuff. " (Trust me. I had a hillbilly neighbor growing up. Sloppy-titted woman with bleach blonde hair, short shorts and a tube top. Three teeth. But I digress.)

When police arrived on the scene, they had to shut the highway down. Mr. Mental Midget (no offense to dwarves) decides to get out of his pimp ride and take his clothes off. He got tackled by police.

Wonder if they needed to bathe in hydrochloric acid afterwards to get the ick off...

I'm gonna show his picture to my mom the next time she asks if I have a 'man friend.' And then tell her I like to kick 'field goals' between his two chicklets.

That just made me queezy.

xoxo,
RiRi