Celebrity Slap: April 11, 2010 Edition

Spring is in the air. And the "dumbness" is multiplying!

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Heidi Montag

Offense: Lunacy

On the heels of Nicolette Sheridan's tale of being slapped by Marc Cherry, Heidi's revealed her own on-set drama! Egads! She claims an MTV producer pushed her from behind. Oh, the humanity! Maybe that's why she got all that plastic surgery... or better yet-- she deserves to be shaken, slapped, and kicked off the planet! By the way, I've got a big steamy cup of "shut the fuck up" for ya. Suck it down like you do Spencer's wango! Aw, that's a good little plastic bimbo...

2. Gerard Butler

Offense: Disease bag

This dude defines poon hound. He flew all the way to Paris to have a date with a local TV personality because he 'completely cracked' for her. (Emphasis on 'crack.' Something he totally enjoys.) Be warned, Gerard! Your dick may fall off. Then what are you gonna do? Hmmm? Perhaps he's secretly been named "Special U.N. Ambassador of Pootie" and he's on a world tour.

1. Jon Gosselin

Offense: Unofficial Guiness book record holder for Biggest Douchebag

Dude is suing ex-wife Kate for custody of their 8 children, claiming Kate is an absentee mom. How completely cellophane! As if we don't know you're broke; you don't want to pay 20-grand a month in support; you have no fucking job-- so... let's use the kids to make money, 'cuz I'm a fat, balding buddha with no prospects and no class. The only thing you've managed to do is scratch your grapenuts and grow your moobs. A floater in the toilet is more attractive than you are!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: January 31, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Holywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Linda Hogan

Offense: Airhead

The former Mrs. Hulk is going to wreak the ultimate revenge and write a scathing tell-all about her ex-hubby because he wrote one and talked trashed about her! Why don't the two of you take it to the playground, because I doubt you'll outgrow such a juvenile mentality. It's obvious she got "memoir" and "mammory" confused because the only thing she could possibly be fluent in is her enchanced chesticle area.

2. Gerard Butler

Offense: Icky

This man-tramp is making-out with any female that can say "Ahhhh." He was spotted doin' his thang with some chick that plays violin. They were all touchy-feely in some alley by a dumpster. That's awesome! NOT! I guess tongue hockey could be your Plan B when the acting thing dries-up. Gross. I hope I can slap the STD right outta ya!

1. Andy Dick

Offense: Repulsive waste of DNA

It's not cool or funny when you grab guys in the junk and try to kiss them when they're not into you. You make fools look like Prince Charmings! Stop. Being. An. Idiot. I'd wish you a horrible time in prison, but I think you might like it! Piece of advice: just 'cuz your last name is Dick, doesn't mean you should act like one!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes...... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi