Celebrity Slap: January 10, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood Babies-- just like momma would!

3. Constantine Maroulis

Offense: Hurl inducing

Dude's got a Tony Award nomination, but he can't quit the realty TV game. He's dating socialite Tinsley Mortimer for her upcoming CW reality show "Empire State." He might as well just go work for that male brothel in Nevada... By the by, that's not love she's feeling. It's nausea-- like when you eat bad coleslaw.

2. Katie Holmes

Offense: Bordering on lunacy

This fool wants to get a tattoo to show her devotion to her hubby, Tom. She got the bright idea from her BFF Posh Spice, who honored The Becks with one. First of all, way to be a follower! Secondly, even Tom (who's a little nutty himself) thinks it's a bad idea. Whatcha gonna get inked? "Ur the jumper to my couch" or perhaps "Nanu Nanu." That's special.

1. Mariah Carey

Offense: Whack job

She was honored as Breakout Actress at the Palm Springs International Film Festival, and ruined it all by giving a drunkass acceptance speech. Drinking and talking NOT her strong suit. Being a pampered, obnoxious princess who looks like a stuffed sausage, IS. Please, go away!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes......... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: August 9, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Bachelorette Winner Ed Swiderski

Offense: Breathing

This embarassment to his parents cheated on Jillian Harris with two other women-- at the same time! He surely needs a dayplanner just to keep track of all his south-of-the-border invasions. Here's a shocking revelation, Ed-- the whole point of commitment is to stay with one person. I don't see what Ed's attraction is. He looks like a constipated horse.

2. Constantine Maroulis

Offense: Moron

Yes, it's awesome you were nominated for a Tony. But despite that accomplishment, you're still a tool! Seriously. Dude says he paved the way for Chris Daughtry and David Cook to be successful. Cuz those two two have no talent at all. All you did, Costantine Moron-ous, was look like a dirty butt wannabee rocker in desperate need of a flea dip. Go snarl someplace else. You're stinkin' up the joint!

1. Ryan O'Neal

Offense: Bloated baffoon

This stooopid potato head hit-on his own daughter, Tatum. At Farrah's funeral. There are sooo many things wrong with this scenario. One-- ewwww! Two-- claaaasy. Guess your 'mourning' period ended as soon as the hearst door was closed. When would you have noticed she was your daughter? When you got her in the sack and said something cheesy like: "Looking at you is like looking at me." Wait a minute... This has Lifetime movie written all over it.

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAP!

All better now...

xoxo,

RiRi