Celebrity Slap: August 9, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Bachelorette Winner Ed Swiderski

Offense: Breathing

This embarassment to his parents cheated on Jillian Harris with two other women-- at the same time! He surely needs a dayplanner just to keep track of all his south-of-the-border invasions. Here's a shocking revelation, Ed-- the whole point of commitment is to stay with one person. I don't see what Ed's attraction is. He looks like a constipated horse.

2. Constantine Maroulis

Offense: Moron

Yes, it's awesome you were nominated for a Tony. But despite that accomplishment, you're still a tool! Seriously. Dude says he paved the way for Chris Daughtry and David Cook to be successful. Cuz those two two have no talent at all. All you did, Costantine Moron-ous, was look like a dirty butt wannabee rocker in desperate need of a flea dip. Go snarl someplace else. You're stinkin' up the joint!

1. Ryan O'Neal

Offense: Bloated baffoon

This stooopid potato head hit-on his own daughter, Tatum. At Farrah's funeral. There are sooo many things wrong with this scenario. One-- ewwww! Two-- claaaasy. Guess your 'mourning' period ended as soon as the hearst door was closed. When would you have noticed she was your daughter? When you got her in the sack and said something cheesy like: "Looking at you is like looking at me." Wait a minute... This has Lifetime movie written all over it.

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAP!

All better now...

xoxo,

RiRi