Celebrity Slap: January 10, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood Babies-- just like momma would!

3. Constantine Maroulis

Offense: Hurl inducing

Dude's got a Tony Award nomination, but he can't quit the realty TV game. He's dating socialite Tinsley Mortimer for her upcoming CW reality show "Empire State." He might as well just go work for that male brothel in Nevada... By the by, that's not love she's feeling. It's nausea-- like when you eat bad coleslaw.

2. Katie Holmes

Offense: Bordering on lunacy

This fool wants to get a tattoo to show her devotion to her hubby, Tom. She got the bright idea from her BFF Posh Spice, who honored The Becks with one. First of all, way to be a follower! Secondly, even Tom (who's a little nutty himself) thinks it's a bad idea. Whatcha gonna get inked? "Ur the jumper to my couch" or perhaps "Nanu Nanu." That's special.

1. Mariah Carey

Offense: Whack job

She was honored as Breakout Actress at the Palm Springs International Film Festival, and ruined it all by giving a drunkass acceptance speech. Drinking and talking NOT her strong suit. Being a pampered, obnoxious princess who looks like a stuffed sausage, IS. Please, go away!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes......... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Project Cruise

In the latest issue of Elle magazine, Katie Holmes reveals that her alien hubby Tom Cruise critiques her clothing.

"He usually likes everything, but sometimes I'll walk out and he'll say 'I think that dress might be wearing you. You don't need that."

I'm sure she dilligently obeyed her master and changed into a more pleasing outfit immediately.

If Tom made that comment to me, I would've said: "That's a lovely shade of dick you're wearing."

Fucktard.

xoxo,

RiRi