Oh, Pa!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAPA RITER!

Pops is another year older. And if it weren't for his nest of white hair, you'd never know how old he really is.

On this day, I reflect on some tender moments between a dad and his little girl:

1. When I was little and we'd get those "Adopt Maria" fliers in the mail, you told me you were gonna "trade me in." I cried for a few hours, then you let me off the hook.

2. Homecoming my Freshman year in high school. I never got the chance to get kissed by Steve because you yelled at mom to throw on the porch light and greet us at the door as his car pulled in. He didn't even walk me to the door because he feared retribution. I heard your laughter in the background, by the by.

3. The totally cool moment when you threatened that carload of toolbags that followed me home from school one day. Thankfully, you were already home from work and standing in the driveway. The boys thought they had game when they got out of the car. (I was scared shitless.) You went into the garage, got your gun and posed the poignant question: "Do you dickheads wanna die today?" Yup, the said dickheads left-- never to be seen again! lol

Love you, Dad. You truly are the last of the real men!

xoxo,

RiRi

Oh, Ma!

Today Mom celebrates her "29th" birthday... again. Funny how I'm older that her now.

I want to thank you mom, for being born then eventually birthing me. I hope you enjoy your gifts from the heart, the fine meal I will prepare, and the wine I'm going to ply you with this weekend so you won't ask if I will give you a grandchild by your next birthday. Hey, it was you who told me men are like shoes: there are plenty of Keds hanging around, but why not wait for Christian Louboutin?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

xoxo,

Your offspring

Butt why?

So, I got to thinking... Where did this whole "birthday spanking" thing come from?

I recently celebrated my birthday. My BFF and her hubby both gave me a whack on the tushy. While I found this to be quite exhilirating, it got me wondering:

"What sadistic f*ck came up with this!?!"

Seriously. Birthdays-- fun, frivolity, presents, cake. Not crying in the corner because your ass hurts so bad you can't sit down while everyone is laughing at you and you want to pee your pants! Not that I'm having a childhood flashback... Anywho, according to WikiAnswers:

"Some sources claim it's a superstition while other sources claim that it's based on the slap on the bottom most infants get on the day they are born by the doctor. It's probably more based on the latter than the former. Just adding an extra "slap" as a show of good luck to your health."

Okay, fine. But who added the "and one to grow on" crap if this is supposed to be about good health? And who said you needed spanked for every year you've managed to live? Or was I the only one who got swatted 8 times on my 8th birthday (actually, 9 times)? Now, I'm back to getting spanked just once on my bday, cuz in some places you have to actually pay for this.

Hope you get many spankies on your next bday...

-RiRi