Celebrity Slap: July 26, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Jeffrey Donovan

Offense: Not so smart

The "Burn Notice" star got into some trouble with the law last week, busted for DUI after he nearly hit a stopped police cruiser. He told the officer: "I really think I'm only borderline and not too drunk." Niiiice. Cuz "kinda" drunk isn't bad at all when you're driving. It's like a down-dirty-dog saying: "It's not really cheating because she sucked my schlong. We didn't have sex!" Obviously, thinking isn't your strong suit. For the love of God, don't reproduce.

2. Octomom Nadya Suleman

Offense: Insane loser

This disgrace to our gender is also a disgrace to the institution of motherhood. Octogranny is livid that her 14 grandchildren have destroyed her home, coloring on the walls, littering the rooms and stinking up the joint. It's bad enough you've treated your vajayjay like the log flume ride at Six Flags, but you and your litter have the cleanliness of a rabid beast. Did you mate with Bigfoot or what?

1. Katherine Heigl

Offense: Ego-maniacal twit

Nothing bothers me more than whiny bitches that aren't grateful for what they have. She won't stop griping about "Grey's Anatomy," complaining that her first day back was 17 hours long, and how sad she is because T.R. Knight is gone. Waaaaaa! I know being beautiful and rich sucks. Woe is you. Whatever. You could easily be doing those after 10 movies on Cinemax where the plot involves an alien needing to study the female anatomy and--poof-- your clothes fall akk. Please. Save the environment by shutting your mouth!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi