Celebrity Slap: July 26, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Jeffrey Donovan

Offense: Not so smart

The "Burn Notice" star got into some trouble with the law last week, busted for DUI after he nearly hit a stopped police cruiser. He told the officer: "I really think I'm only borderline and not too drunk." Niiiice. Cuz "kinda" drunk isn't bad at all when you're driving. It's like a down-dirty-dog saying: "It's not really cheating because she sucked my schlong. We didn't have sex!" Obviously, thinking isn't your strong suit. For the love of God, don't reproduce.

2. Octomom Nadya Suleman

Offense: Insane loser

This disgrace to our gender is also a disgrace to the institution of motherhood. Octogranny is livid that her 14 grandchildren have destroyed her home, coloring on the walls, littering the rooms and stinking up the joint. It's bad enough you've treated your vajayjay like the log flume ride at Six Flags, but you and your litter have the cleanliness of a rabid beast. Did you mate with Bigfoot or what?

1. Katherine Heigl

Offense: Ego-maniacal twit

Nothing bothers me more than whiny bitches that aren't grateful for what they have. She won't stop griping about "Grey's Anatomy," complaining that her first day back was 17 hours long, and how sad she is because T.R. Knight is gone. Waaaaaa! I know being beautiful and rich sucks. Woe is you. Whatever. You could easily be doing those after 10 movies on Cinemax where the plot involves an alien needing to study the female anatomy and--poof-- your clothes fall akk. Please. Save the environment by shutting your mouth!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: May 3, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like Momma would.

3. Nadya "Octomom" Suleman

Offense: Breathing

Dingbat supreme decided the best way to honor her 14 kids is to get a tattoo. Because getting a job and feeding your kids isn't practical. Riiiight. Her design has something to do with an angel and 14 stars. That's gonna be one saggy galaxy once age really sets in. But it's kinda cool, in a away, because her kids can play tether ball with her 'saggy stuff'... which would kinda be like slapping themselves around. Interesting....

2. Jon Gosselin

Offense: Dumb. Dumber. Idiot!

Dude-- if you're gonna go and get some strange, you need to be a little more discreet. You were caught once partying with some frat hos, so leaving a club at 2 a.m. is waaaay better. NOT! No wonder Kate bitch-slaps you daily and keeps your fun marbles in a jar. You don't know how to use them responisbly! Keep it up, and she might feed 'em to you while she's taking your wallet.

1. William Shatner

Offense: Self-absorbed fool

Yes, you have this cheesy... quirky... persona? You did those cool Priceline commercials where. you. talked. like. this..... and those spoken-word albums weren't so bad. But-- you ain't all THAT. I can't believe the Shat is still upset that he was left out of the new 'Star Trek' movie. Wait-- Shatster turned down an appearance because the role wasn't nearly as big as his ego. Come on! You're the man that played T.J. Hooker! Get a grip!

Get those cheeks ready. Here. It. Comes...... SLAP!