Celebrity Slap: January 31, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Holywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Linda Hogan

Offense: Airhead

The former Mrs. Hulk is going to wreak the ultimate revenge and write a scathing tell-all about her ex-hubby because he wrote one and talked trashed about her! Why don't the two of you take it to the playground, because I doubt you'll outgrow such a juvenile mentality. It's obvious she got "memoir" and "mammory" confused because the only thing she could possibly be fluent in is her enchanced chesticle area.

2. Gerard Butler

Offense: Icky

This man-tramp is making-out with any female that can say "Ahhhh." He was spotted doin' his thang with some chick that plays violin. They were all touchy-feely in some alley by a dumpster. That's awesome! NOT! I guess tongue hockey could be your Plan B when the acting thing dries-up. Gross. I hope I can slap the STD right outta ya!

1. Andy Dick

Offense: Repulsive waste of DNA

It's not cool or funny when you grab guys in the junk and try to kiss them when they're not into you. You make fools look like Prince Charmings! Stop. Being. An. Idiot. I'd wish you a horrible time in prison, but I think you might like it! Piece of advice: just 'cuz your last name is Dick, doesn't mean you should act like one!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes...... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: April 17, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like Momma would.

3. Anna Lynn McCord

Offense: B.O.

The '90210' actress fancies herself above deoderant-- as if she's immune to body odor. Here's some insight, Princess Stank. YOU REEK! You don't earn the nickname "Anna Lynn McStinky" if you smell all sweet and flowery. Duh! Stank will NEVER be "in." Smellin' like stale rye bread and moldy gouda ain't cool. I think I need to invent a full-body douche for people just like you. I smell (no pun intended) money!

2. Pamela Anderson

Offense: Density-- quadrupled

Obviously all the hair dye has penetrated and destroyed what grey matter she had between her ears-- cuz this fool wants to get married again. As in Number 4. As in there's-no-way-you-can-wear-white-this-time-and-get-away-with-it. Puh-leeze. The ween du jour this time arond is a scuba diver. Wah? Does she win a toaster oven or something if she marries again? And what respectable man would want that mess? It's gotta be like a Hazmat spill down "south." I'm sensing a penicilin cake at the reception!

1. Hulk Hogan

Offense: Verbal Diarrhea

This complete idiot said he totally understood where O.J. was coming from when he "didn't" kill his ex-wife and her friend in a fit of blind rage. Uh-huh. Cuz Linda has the house, the car, and the young, fine cub she's mackin' on. Oh, but wait-- Hulkster was taken out of context (despite video evidence otherwise.) Like your faux apology is gonna work. Apprently all those years of (alleged) 'roid usage as shurnk both heads.

Get those cheeks ready. Here. It. Comes....... SLAP!