Celebrity Slap: March 14, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Sean Penn

Offense: Disgrace to men

He was thrown out of the Governor's Ball after the Oscars for allegedly punching one of "The Hurt Locker" producers for dating his ex-wife, Robin Wright. Heaven forbid she move on from your hot-headed, immature, sorry, fooltastic self! You're the one who waffled back and forth between getting divorced, then calling it off like some wishy-washy schoolgirl. Stick to acting. because behaving like a gentleman is something you're incapable of!

2. Lindsay Lohan

Offense: Delusional

This wack-job is suing E*Trade for one-hundred million dollars for their "Milkaholic" commercial because they named one of the babies Lindsay-- which clearly means they meant "Lohan." She says she's a single-name phenonmenon like Madonna and Oprah and she's hurt at the implication that she has loose morals. What mother-fucking-bizarro world did we wake up in!?!? Had the baby been named "Ho" or "Insane" or "Bipolar" then we would've known for sure it was you. Stop giving crazy people a bad rap!

1. Miley Cyrus

Offense: Egomaniacal waste of space

She says she and her BF Liam Hemsworth are "deeper than normal people." She says they think and feel deeper than you and I do. Because truly deep people need to let everyone else know how great they are! The only deep thing about you is the shit you're shovelling... and your daddy's mullet. That's pretty deep. I bet you can't even spell "deep," you mouth-breathing, hillbilly, no-talent twit!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: November 15, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies, just like momma would!

3. Miley Cyrus

Offense: Lack of tact

She's got a pretty popular song with "Party in the USA." Instead of being grateful, she says she didn't think it was gonna be popular and doesn't really listen to Jay-Z music. Because simply saying that she was happy the song is doing well and leaving it at that would be too obvious. Perhaps she's suffering from some type of disease which explains her lack of class: like, Footinmouthitis, Dumbhillbillycus, or Whoreusinthemaking.

2. Chris Brown

Offense: Unbelievable B.S. Spewer

Rihanna bravely shared the details of the horrific incident between her and Chris because she realizes how many young girls look up to her. Meanwhile, Chris needs to fire his PR person, because he should never have responded to Rihanna's interview. He felt the details should "remain a private matter." You know, that's exactly what an abuser says! Let's not talk about it, so it'll go away. Like it never happened. It did happen. And while he says he accepts responsibility, the eyes don't lie. I don't know what else to say. But this does come to mind-- you're a repulsive maggot!

1. Joe Jackson

Offense: King of Planet Stupid

Didn't take long for this waste of space to ask Michael's estate for a monthly allowance-- to the tune of $15,000. What do you need a monthly allowance for, Crypt Keeper? For more belts to whip small children with? For booze to ply Al Sharpton with so you can get him between the sheets? For that pimpin' wardrobe that went out of style with "Starsky and Hutch?" And if that weren't bad enough, you look like a fossilized Mr. Potato Head!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes...... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi