Celebrity Slap: November 15, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies, just like momma would!

3. Miley Cyrus

Offense: Lack of tact

She's got a pretty popular song with "Party in the USA." Instead of being grateful, she says she didn't think it was gonna be popular and doesn't really listen to Jay-Z music. Because simply saying that she was happy the song is doing well and leaving it at that would be too obvious. Perhaps she's suffering from some type of disease which explains her lack of class: like, Footinmouthitis, Dumbhillbillycus, or Whoreusinthemaking.

2. Chris Brown

Offense: Unbelievable B.S. Spewer

Rihanna bravely shared the details of the horrific incident between her and Chris because she realizes how many young girls look up to her. Meanwhile, Chris needs to fire his PR person, because he should never have responded to Rihanna's interview. He felt the details should "remain a private matter." You know, that's exactly what an abuser says! Let's not talk about it, so it'll go away. Like it never happened. It did happen. And while he says he accepts responsibility, the eyes don't lie. I don't know what else to say. But this does come to mind-- you're a repulsive maggot!

1. Joe Jackson

Offense: King of Planet Stupid

Didn't take long for this waste of space to ask Michael's estate for a monthly allowance-- to the tune of $15,000. What do you need a monthly allowance for, Crypt Keeper? For more belts to whip small children with? For booze to ply Al Sharpton with so you can get him between the sheets? For that pimpin' wardrobe that went out of style with "Starsky and Hutch?" And if that weren't bad enough, you look like a fossilized Mr. Potato Head!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes...... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: September 6, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Carrie Prejean

Offense: Opening her mouth

She's suing the Miss California USA organization--again-- this time for discrimination based on her religious beliefs. Yawn. Sigh. Gag. I thought this ninny had faded into the background, but her California-bought boobalas are baaaaack! Enough is enough. Why don't you ask yourself what would Jesus do? You know what Jesus would do? He would tell you to sit down and shut up and quit riding his holy coat tails! That's what Jesus would do!

2. Chris Brown

Offense: Complete and utter stupidity

He and his mommy were on Larry King the other night doing his whole mea culpa tour. Repulsive. Says he's still in love with Rihanna. Of course he is. Abusers are 'in love' with the 'object' they want to 'control.' It's called obsession. He also said he forgot what happened the night he beat her. Whatever. Too bad you didn't get prison time. I would've loved it if Bubba and the sisters used that friggin' baby blue Emmanuel Lewis-lookin' bowtie you were wearing as part of their colon cleanse welcome committee!

1. Spencer Pratt

Offense: Twit

Dude tells US Weekly mag that he's legally changing his name to King Spencer Pratt. And with good reason: because there's a Queen of England and a Prince William, so there needs to be a King of America. What? Spencer, you do know that England is another country, right? This vain, self-absorbed, fugly pimple on the ass of society is indeed the king of a few things: Delusionalville and Smallerweenertown. For the love all good things American. Go. A. Way. Thanks.

Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!
xoxo,

RiRi