Celebrity Slap: March 7, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Janice Dickinson

Offense: Self-absorbed

This so-called "World's First-Ever Supermodel" wants her own reality TV show so she can find some young stud to 'wait on her hand and foot.' In reality, it'd be more like some dude wiping her ass and feeding her oatmeal since she's the sister of Father Time! Beware, studs-- her crotchal area is probably like the Bermuda Triangle. Once you go there, you'll be lost forever!

2. Cameron Douglas

Offense: Whiny biotch

He says he's not to blame for his drugging and trouble-making because he was born to Michael Douglas--a wealthy and famous man-- and therefore, his life was too difficult. (cue dramatic music) He was hurt in a variety of ways: "So don't blame me. I didn't ask to be born." WAAAAHHHH! By the way, we're equally sorry you were born-- cuz we have to pay for your cry-baby ass while you're in prison ... and, you're breathing our good air! You've been evicted to Stupid Planet!

1. The Nation of China

Offense: Antiquated

These fools adore Tiger Woods because they say the true sign of a man's success is how many mistresses he has. Please. It shows how stupid a man is because he's gonna have to pay for them all one way or another. No wonder y'all are so good at math-- you need to keep track of all your tramps! Don't mind if I Kung Pao you in the collective junk!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes..... SLAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Don't mess with Yellow.

Beijing, China

66-year-old Lian Jiansheng (translated in English-- Don't f*ck with me) shoved a suicidal man off of a bridge.

Why? Because the dude made drivers wait for five hours!

Chen Fuchao, who wanted to evict himself from planet Earth because of massive debt, landed on an emergency air cushion that authorities had laid out for him. He suffered some minor injuries.

Whew!

Meanwhile, Mr. Angry Rangoon was arrested. Asked why he pushed the man, Lian said "jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their actions violate a lot of public interests."

Such as?

Moral to the story: Mess with the Yellow, get the chopsticks.

xoxo,

RiRi

Kissable

N.Y.C. LIQUID LIP SHINE-- WHAT A FIND!

The photo above is not the color I picked out for myself while "shooking"

(shopping-mostly-looking-not buying) at Target the other day... but I must say-- I dig the NYC! This lip stuff has great staying power-- and ladies, you know how important THAT is-- enduring some serious snacking and bevarge sucking. And at under $2 per pop, how could I resist in these economically-strapped times. Of course, I am a bit fearful since the gloss is made in China. What exactly is making it stick to my lips for so long.... Anywho, I won't think about it anymore. Unless I wake up tomorrow with a third lip. Ah, yes my babies... Ignorance is bliss.

Who gon' kiss this?!? lol