Celebrity Slap: October 11, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Matthew Knowles

Offense: Down dirty dawg

Some young hoochie momma claims Beyonce's daddy fathered her unborn child. Oops! Bet your wife of 23 years is soooo pleased to know you've been dippin' and slippin' where you shouldn't be. How ironic that you're gonna be livin' some Destiny's Child/Beyonce tunes real soon-- like "Bills, Bills, Bills;" "Ring The Alarm;" and "Beautiful Liar." You're old enough to know better, Matthew! Wrap. It. Up.

2. LeAnn Rimes

Offense: Psycho

Not only is LeAnn a man stealer, but she's apparently a spiteful stalker. Eddie Cibrian's ex says LeAnn is 'space invading' her by moving in the same 'hood as her, which is near her son's school! What are you gonna do next? Break into her house and sniff her panties? Creepy! Now that you've won the ween, perhaps you can concentrate on your singing career. I think a cover of Patsy Cline's "Crazy" is a perfect fit.

1. Lamar Odom

Offense: Manic

Guess it's not only chicks that have marriage on the brain. Lamar was dating actress Taraji Henson. He was so in love with her, he proposed. She freaked because she thought it was too soon. One week later, Lamar met Khloe K. and now they're blissfully pseudo-wed. If you wanted a kindred spirit to wed, you should've snagged Jennifer Love Hewitt. Girl's dying to be a missus. Lamar, thy name is desperation. And it stank like Heidi Fleiss' neither regions.

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi