Panic at the Disco... kinda

The band "The Vibrators" NOT performing at a Spanish disco... but the Energizer Bunny kind sure did!

Woo hoo!

The first 400 girls at the door who paid the cover got a night of good vibrations!

Except promoters there call vibes "consolers." Guess that's accurate. Reason #95 why a vibe is better than a guy: You get what you want then you can shove it back in a drawer. Try that with a guy, and it's called 'abuse.' Whatever...

xoxo,
RiRi

Mental Massage

Sometimes you need a little mental motivation...

"Beware of the thoughts you keep, because everything in reality manifests from the mind."

-- Justin Palmer

Now go forth and be fabulous!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: Sunday, February 7th Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Britney Spears

Offense: Eye assaulter

Usually, when one has a special event to attend where everyone is watching-- you try to put your best foot forward. Not our girl Brit Brit, y'all! She must've gotten Hollywood and Fredricks of Hollywood confused, cuz she chose to wear some bizarro net over a black body suit to the Grammys. I'm sure that's high-brow for the trailer park, but not so much for the bright lights of the big city! Perhaps she was leaving a video shoot with the Gorton's Fisherman where a big 'fish' gets caught in her net!

2. The Cyrus Family

Offense: Pimps

9-year-old Noah Cyrus, younger sister of Miley, is coming out with a clothing line of her own! That's all cool, except her designs are completely trampy! Lace and fishnets and hooker boots and bodysuits-- oh, my! For tweens!!! Pimping out your children for profit is repulsive. Obviously, there's no thought process as to what message you're putting out there. It's not cool that you're throwing more fuel on some pedophile's fire! Unbelievable! While you're counting your pile of money, don't be surprised when your little girl becomes a pregnant crack ho!

1. John Edwards

Offense: Mouth-breathing half-wit

It was bad enough you couldn't keep Lil' Johnnie in your pants, but to be a liar, thief and alleged woman-beater is just reprehensible. Beating you cancer-striken wife Elizabeth because she had enough of your being a dog? Please. I'm surprised the man club hasn't asked for your fun marbles back because you don't deserve to be a man or a human or even the ooze from a scabby sore! Let's boot this inhumane piece of trash off the planet!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Award Winner

NOAH MILLS

Today's GAWD-D*MN Award.

Model-turned-actor featured in the upcoming "SATC" sequel... "Samantha's" new conquest.

Fantastic! Lucky bitch.

Drooling,

RiRi

Oh, Pa!

Dad gave me a scare the other day. He's been retired for almost a year, and I've been concerned the nearly-sedentary life he's now leading has taken its toll. This is a dude that used to work 12-hour days, six days a week for the love of God!

=====================

Dad: You know, this time of year it's hard on me. It's so cold, I don't want to go anywhere and I'm trapped inside. The sun hardly shines. It sucks ass.

Me: Dad-- I'll take you out. Where do you want to go?

Dad: No, I'll be fine by March. Then it'll be April.

Me: A lot of people have S.A.D.

Dad: Oh, no. Forget about that. I'll be happy because the Gay Games will be in town!

Me: Is there something you need to tell me?

===============

Dad proceeds to tell me that he's not gay (mom will be relieved!) but wants to help out at the Gay Games. He's going to support the athletes shouting out phrases like "You ain't got no junk in the front. It's all in the trunk." And this doozy: "Want a sucker, Tom Tucker?"

And here I thought Dad was depressed or something.

He also has some marketing ideas for the Gay Games. He intends on buying 50 pair of panties and selling them as souveniers, with the added-value selling point of "the stains are free." Niiice.

Wrong. Very. Wrong.

Then I informed Dad that the Gay Games aren't coming until 2014.

Sigh.

xoxo,

RiRi

Mental Massage

A little boost to that tender spot between your ears....

"How we think shows through in how we act. Attitudes are mirrors of the mind. They reflect thinking."

-- David Schwartz

Now go forth and be fabulous!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: January 31, 2010 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Holywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Linda Hogan

Offense: Airhead

The former Mrs. Hulk is going to wreak the ultimate revenge and write a scathing tell-all about her ex-hubby because he wrote one and talked trashed about her! Why don't the two of you take it to the playground, because I doubt you'll outgrow such a juvenile mentality. It's obvious she got "memoir" and "mammory" confused because the only thing she could possibly be fluent in is her enchanced chesticle area.

2. Gerard Butler

Offense: Icky

This man-tramp is making-out with any female that can say "Ahhhh." He was spotted doin' his thang with some chick that plays violin. They were all touchy-feely in some alley by a dumpster. That's awesome! NOT! I guess tongue hockey could be your Plan B when the acting thing dries-up. Gross. I hope I can slap the STD right outta ya!

1. Andy Dick

Offense: Repulsive waste of DNA

It's not cool or funny when you grab guys in the junk and try to kiss them when they're not into you. You make fools look like Prince Charmings! Stop. Being. An. Idiot. I'd wish you a horrible time in prison, but I think you might like it! Piece of advice: just 'cuz your last name is Dick, doesn't mean you should act like one!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes...... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi