Be Afraid

What could possibly be worse than PMS? Anyone? PMS-HD.

In this age of technology and super-size-this, I swear, PMS has gotten worse. The women I know seem scarier than usual every three weeks. Perhaps nature needs to be even bad-assier. (Yes, I made that word up. Deal.) I personally blame the Always company. I never noticed their cutesy little slogan before now:

"Always: Have a Happy Period."

What. The. Fuck. Really? Obviously some dude conceptualized this lam-o slogan, because let me tell you-- there is no such thing as a "happy" period. You're just hoping to get through the next 3-7 days without committing homicide.

There is no "traipsing through a field of lavender flowers, wind caressing the hem of my flowing dress while butterflies encircle my golden locks, all the while smiling and cooing because Mother Nature has brought me the essence that makes me a woman."

"Eat shit and die." That's usually uttered at an ignorant co-worker at least once during the assault on my no-no place. I don't recall ever skipping through the halls because I'm so happy to be bloated, bitchy, self-loathing, and brain-foggy.

And don't even dare say to any woman: "Just don't think about." Don't think about it!?!? When it feels like an encore of Riverdance on my uterus! How about someone speeding-bagging your nutsack for three days. Yeah, you'll be crying for your momma, so don't tell me not to think about it.

"Have a Happy Period." I will, once I shove this "cotton field with wings"down your throat.

PMS-HD. Makes you feel like you're really living it.... wait, I am.

xoxo,
RiRi

P.S. Pass the peanut M&Ms and nobody gets hurt.