Mental Massage

A little inspiration to get you through the day...

"You can have anything you want-- if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, have anything you desire, accomplish anything you set out to accomplish-- if you will hold to that desire with singleness of purpose."
-- Robert Collier

Now go forth and be fabulous!

xoxo,
RiRi

Celebrity Slap: August 9, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Bachelorette Winner Ed Swiderski

Offense: Breathing

This embarassment to his parents cheated on Jillian Harris with two other women-- at the same time! He surely needs a dayplanner just to keep track of all his south-of-the-border invasions. Here's a shocking revelation, Ed-- the whole point of commitment is to stay with one person. I don't see what Ed's attraction is. He looks like a constipated horse.

2. Constantine Maroulis

Offense: Moron

Yes, it's awesome you were nominated for a Tony. But despite that accomplishment, you're still a tool! Seriously. Dude says he paved the way for Chris Daughtry and David Cook to be successful. Cuz those two two have no talent at all. All you did, Costantine Moron-ous, was look like a dirty butt wannabee rocker in desperate need of a flea dip. Go snarl someplace else. You're stinkin' up the joint!

1. Ryan O'Neal

Offense: Bloated baffoon

This stooopid potato head hit-on his own daughter, Tatum. At Farrah's funeral. There are sooo many things wrong with this scenario. One-- ewwww! Two-- claaaasy. Guess your 'mourning' period ended as soon as the hearst door was closed. When would you have noticed she was your daughter? When you got her in the sack and said something cheesy like: "Looking at you is like looking at me." Wait a minute... This has Lifetime movie written all over it.

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAP!

All better now...

xoxo,

RiRi

Mental Massage

Time for a little inspiration between the ears...

"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

-- Dr. Robert Anthony

Now go forth, and be fabulous!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: August 2, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Michael Lohan

Offense: Deadbeat tool

Just when you thought it was safe, this douchemaster rises from his douchi-ness to snag some more face time. He's counselling Jon Gosselin, which is laughable, considering he's behind on his child support payments. To the tune of 12-grand. Here's a concept: Shut. Your. Mouth. And get a damn job! Get two. Take care of your demon seed. This is why more men need vasectomies!

2. Candy Spelling

Offense: Juvenile adult

Instead of trying to talk to her daughter, Tori, one-on-one like humans do, Candy has decided that TMZ is a more appropriate forum to air out her dirty laundry. The only reason we know who you are, woman, is because you threw your legs up in the air for Aaron. You're complaining that you haven't seen your grandkids, yet you think talking to the media is the best way to make that happen? Candy. That's an ironic name, cuz there ain't nothin' sweet about you, you wrinkly-looking squeegie!

1. Tony Romo

Offense: Shameful dog

Granted, I'm no Jessica fan. But no one deserves to be cheated on and lied to. Tony was having an emotional affiar with his newest bimbette and even took her to a Jessica concert! Wrong. Just plain wrong. I hope some hoochie momma wearing a Jessica Simpson-brand stilletto grinds her heel into your sack while beating you upside the head with a Jessica Simpson-brand handbag. Sack to sack, baby! Now that's karma!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes..... SLAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Mental Massage

A little jumpstart for that nice pink stuff between your ears....

"One of the most severely limiting beliefs that many of us have is that the person we were yesterday is the person we have to be today. Our past has no power other than the power we give it"

-- Richard Carlson

Now go forth and be fabulous!

xoxo,

RiRi

Celebrity Slap: July 26, 2009 Edition

Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!

3. Jeffrey Donovan

Offense: Not so smart

The "Burn Notice" star got into some trouble with the law last week, busted for DUI after he nearly hit a stopped police cruiser. He told the officer: "I really think I'm only borderline and not too drunk." Niiiice. Cuz "kinda" drunk isn't bad at all when you're driving. It's like a down-dirty-dog saying: "It's not really cheating because she sucked my schlong. We didn't have sex!" Obviously, thinking isn't your strong suit. For the love of God, don't reproduce.

2. Octomom Nadya Suleman

Offense: Insane loser

This disgrace to our gender is also a disgrace to the institution of motherhood. Octogranny is livid that her 14 grandchildren have destroyed her home, coloring on the walls, littering the rooms and stinking up the joint. It's bad enough you've treated your vajayjay like the log flume ride at Six Flags, but you and your litter have the cleanliness of a rabid beast. Did you mate with Bigfoot or what?

1. Katherine Heigl

Offense: Ego-maniacal twit

Nothing bothers me more than whiny bitches that aren't grateful for what they have. She won't stop griping about "Grey's Anatomy," complaining that her first day back was 17 hours long, and how sad she is because T.R. Knight is gone. Waaaaaa! I know being beautiful and rich sucks. Woe is you. Whatever. You could easily be doing those after 10 movies on Cinemax where the plot involves an alien needing to study the female anatomy and--poof-- your clothes fall akk. Please. Save the environment by shutting your mouth!

Get ready. Here. It. Comes. SLAAAAAAP!

xoxo,

RiRi

Mental Massage

Sometimes the mind gets muddied. Here's a little TLC for the cranium...

"It's our attitude in life that determines life's attitude towards us."

-- Earl Nightingale

Now go forth and be fabulous!

xoxo,

RiRi