The Double Bypass

Oooh, my belly is grumblin'. I know what'll hit the spot like a ton of bricks:

KFC's "Double Down"

Fitting name. Talk about taking a gamble with your health! I guess they figured they could test-run this "sandwich" since they "done good" already with laying out that faux-grilled chicken stuff.

The Double Down is two fried chicken patties with cheese, bacon, and the Colonel's special sauce in between. First of all, the Colonel is dead. I don't want to know where you've been keeping his sauce all these years. Second of all, I'm over hearing about anyone's special sauce.

The PR peeps claim this concoction is 590 calories and 31 grams of fat. Excuse me, but my bullshit alarm just went off. Maybe in space where there's no gravity, that might be true. I'm no contestant on Biggest Loser or anything, but this baby has to be at least 1,200 calories and 70 grams of fat.

But that's not what gets me about this heartattack in a bag. You know someone is gonna roll up in the drive thru and say: "I'd like the Double Down Meal Deal... And make it a Diet Coke."

The KFC Double Down. Feel your..... aorta..... slooooooooooooowiing.... dow....