"Happiness doesn't depend on what we have, but it does depend on how we feel toward what we have. We can be happy with little and miserable with much."
Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!
3. David Hasselhoff Offense: Hot Mess So who's the drunken fool now? Apparently, you, David Mazel Tov. Dude got so drunk at Simon Cowell's 50th birthday bash that he couldn't walk. He had to be hospitalized for two days! I'm sure he was regaling the partygoers with tales from his days a primo piece of Baywatch man candy. Actually, he's more like that piece of Bit O' Honey candy that you begrudingly took from your grandma so you wouldn't hurt her feelings, and you left it in your pocket and it became a molten mess-- like David Hasselhoff!
2. David Letterman Offense: Reprehensible You're a man in the entertainment business, and therefore, you're more inclined to be a dog because you can. Not that it's right, but we get it. However, it is completely tasteless to take your mistress on vacay with your wife-to-be and your son. Ick. Gross. Dispicable! How can you look yourself in the mirror? Now we know why you named your company Worldwide Pants. You obviously want to spread your lovin' around Planet Earth. If I were your wife, I'd put my foot between the gap in your front teeth!
1. Billy Ray Cyrus Offense: Desperate dickbag Billy Ray's got his tightie whities in a bunch because his little moneymaker Miley has abandoned the Twitter world. Oh, the humanity! He's begged her, via Twitter, to come back because she's "a light in a world of darkness." Gag. Let's be honest. Daddy needs to stockpile a much money as he can, cuz when she turns 18-- game over! Billy Ray gonna be cryin' in his mullet!
I hate it when people fight dirty. You know what I mean. Ad campaigns for political office who slam their opponent instead of focusing solely on what makes them the right person for the job.
Now, it's a state vs. state battle. Kentucky is trying to lure young Ohioans to their state. Not by painting a picture of what a great place Kentucky is, but on how shitty Ohio is. The marketing firm that created these series of ads even calls a fictional city in Ohio "Oblivion" and a fictional city in Kentucky "Possibility."
How clever!
1. I'm not the first one to say it, and I won't be the last. But really, are you proud of state who's initials are KY?
2. Yes, I see the possibilities in Kentucky. I can probably marry my brother legally, so all that fuckin' "tain't so bad after all."
3. This from a state that pronounces Louisville, Loo-ah-ville. Guess all you toothless bastards have a hard time saying stuff.
Let's face it. You're really just jealous of Ohio. Cuz when you look at a map of the U.S., you're really just Ohio's left ball, hanging next to your relative-scrompin-brothers-West Virginia-- aka, Ohio's right ball.
Now, get back to your double-wide (and I don't mean yo momma.) Your tv dinner's ready.
Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!
3. Matthew Knowles
Offense: Down dirty dawg
Some young hoochie momma claims Beyonce's daddy fathered her unborn child. Oops! Bet your wife of 23 years is soooo pleased to know you've been dippin' and slippin' where you shouldn't be. How ironic that you're gonna be livin' some Destiny's Child/Beyonce tunes real soon-- like "Bills, Bills, Bills;" "Ring The Alarm;" and "Beautiful Liar." You're old enough to know better, Matthew! Wrap. It. Up.
2. LeAnn Rimes
Offense: Psycho
Not only is LeAnn a man stealer, but she's apparently a spiteful stalker. Eddie Cibrian's ex says LeAnn is 'space invading' her by moving in the same 'hood as her, which is near her son's school! What are you gonna do next? Break into her house and sniff her panties? Creepy! Now that you've won the ween, perhaps you can concentrate on your singing career. I think a cover of Patsy Cline's "Crazy" is a perfect fit.
1. Lamar Odom
Offense: Manic
Guess it's not only chicks that have marriage on the brain. Lamar was dating actress Taraji Henson. He was so in love with her, he proposed. She freaked because she thought it was too soon. One week later, Lamar met Khloe K. and now they're blissfully pseudo-wed. If you wanted a kindred spirit to wed, you should've snagged Jennifer Love Hewitt. Girl's dying to be a missus. Lamar, thy name is desperation. And it stank like Heidi Fleiss' neither regions.
A nouveau-to-you writer of screenplays, shorts, fiction and non-fiction books, looking for a symbiotic professional relationship with Hollywood. Is this possible? (www.twitter.com/RitaChronicles)
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