Knockin' some sense into our Hollywood babies-- just like momma would!
3. Jose Canseco
Offense: Big Dummy (said like Fred Sanford from "Sanford and Son" Is that reference too obscure? lol)
Jose recently wrestled a 330 pound Sumo wrestler. He was down in less than a minute! "Hong Man Choi" "California-rolled" Jose as fast as Paris Hilton jumps on the Oscar Meyer wagon. Pathetic. What's your next move? "Starring" in some VH1 Reality show? Oh, wait. You've done that already. Sucks to be you.
2. Brooke Shields
Offense: Secret tramp!
When I first read the headline about her regretting losing her V-card at the age of 22, I assumed she wanted to wait longer. But noooo! Brooke said if she had a better body image, she would've unlocked Pandora's Box ASAP! How much younger did she want to be? Because raging-hormonal-teen-couplings-in-your-parents'-family room isn't quality, nor is it smart. She probably would've scromped her icky "Blue Lagoon" co-star Christopher Atkins. Nasty!
1. Jennifer Aniston
Offense: Clingy
Jen reveals she saves old answering machine messages from former flames so she can "listen to them over and over again." Is this straight out of a Stephen King novel, or what?! I'm sure they were sweet moments from tender times... then why aren't you with them still?!?!? Cuz it didn't work out! It's over. O-V-A-- OVA! You're beautiful. You're semi-talented. Take note: men run away from the sour scent of desperation!
Get ready. Here. It. Comes.... SLAAAAAP!
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